Using Failure to Move Forward
I saw a graphic the other day that illustrated two responses to failure. On the left was a person who bore the weight of multiple failures, feeling down and overwhelmed as a result. On the right was a person who arranged his failures to form a staircase on which he climbed upward toward success.
The definition of the word fail means “to fall short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted, desired, or approved.” We all fail at times, and failure is actually a normal, expected part of the growing process. Too often we view our past failures in such a negative light that our perspective hinders future growth. We may erroneously conclude that because we have not succeeded yet, we can never succeed.
Failure is an inevitable part of life. What matters is how we use our failed experiences.
A defeatist mindset is common in the realm of health. Failed attempts to quit smoking or to lose weight, for example, compel people to give up. One aspect of health coaching I love is that we help clients to build on their experiences in a way that promotes growth. The question becomes “What did I learn from that failure that can help me to move forward?” When we answer that question, we can begin to think creatively about a solution. Reframing a situation is a healthy way to show self-compassion and develop confidence.
A growth-promoting dialogue may look something like this:
Client: “This year my New Year’s resolution was to lose 30 pounds. I started off strong and lost about half of it, but then I got tired of my diet, and exercise was too time-consuming. Now I’ve gained most of the weight back. This cycle has been going on for years.”
Coach: “You recognize the value of a healthy weight, and you’re demonstrating that you care enough to keep trying.”
Client: “Well, yes, but I still feel down because I keep failing.”
Coach: “How have your weight loss efforts made a positive contribution to your development?”
Client: “For one thing, I know what doesn’t work. There are some diets I’ve tried that I now know aren’t right for me. I can also identify my weaknesses more specifically now. I know what triggers me to eat when I’m not really hungry; usually it’s just because I’m bored. I also know that dinner prep is the main thing that competes for gym time. When I work out, I don’t have enough time to make meals for the family.”
Coach: “How can you use this knowledge to shape your weight loss efforts?”
Client: “One option is to talk with a dietitian who can help me identify the right diet. I can also explore hobbies so that I have something else to turn to when I’m bored. I’ve been wanting to start scrapbooking, so I think that could be a fun option. I think I could also explore meals to prepare in advance, or start dinner prep earlier in the day, so that I have more time to exercise in the evening.”
In this hypothetical example, the coach has helped the client to view her weight loss efforts in a positive light, and to examine how to leverage her failures to achieve her goal. If you struggle with past failures, consider what you can learn from them. Use that knowledge to identify specific obstacles and to develop new strategies accordingly. This approach can empower you to achieve your goals and move forward in confidence.